I’m a Doula, and I Don’t Think You Need to Breastfeed
It's World Breastfeeding Week, which means your feed is probably flooded with photos of peaceful nursing sessions, platitudes about “liquid gold,” and the phrase “breast is best” wrapped in soft pastel gradients.
Here’s my take:
I’m a doula.
I support families through pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.
And I don’t think you need to breastfeed.
Not everyone can. Not everyone wants to. Not everyone should.
Some people hate it.
Some people have medical conditions that make it unsafe.
Some people feel a deep sense of disconnection or dysphoria when they nurse.
Some people find that breastfeeding tips them straight into postpartum anxiety, rage, or sensory shutdown.
Some people simply do better — live better — when they’re not breastfeeding.
And guess what?
That is valid.
That is allowed.
That does not make you a bad parent.
What I care about is that your baby is fed.
What I care about is you — the whole human doing the feeding.
What I care about is your mental health, your relationships, your ability to rest, your capacity to show up the way you want to.
Feeding is not a moral issue.
It’s a care issue. And you get to be part of the care equation.
So if this week makes you feel guilty or unseen, I want you to hear this:
There is no prize for martyrdom.
There is no gold star for exclusive breastfeeding.
You do not need to justify your choices.
You're allowed to choose what works. Full stop.
And if you're struggling — with breastfeeding, with weaning, with the weight of this decision — I’m here. Not to convince you. Not to pressure you. Just to support you.
Whatever you choose, make sure you’re in the center of the decision, not the noise.
You deserve to feel good in your body.
You deserve support.
You do not need to breastfeed to be a good parent.
This blog was written by Alix, a dedicated doula in Montreal, Canada, and the founder of TENDER.LY. She provides expert pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and infant feeding support to help families feel confident and cared for. Whether you're preparing for birth, navigating the fourth trimester, or looking for feeding guidance, Alix offers compassionate, personalized support.