What Does It Mean to Be Neurodivergent?
A Gentle Guide for Parents, Partners, and Curious Humans
You’ve probably seen the word “neurodivergent” pop up more and more lately. Maybe on social media. Maybe in your child’s report. Maybe on a form asking how you’d like to be supported.
But what does it actually mean?
And what does it mean for you—as a parent, a partner, or someone navigating pregnancy and postpartum with a brain that works a little differently?
Let’s break it down together—without judgment, assumptions, or medical jargon.
What does “neurodivergent” mean?
The word neurodivergent simply describes a brain that processes, learns, or responds to the world in ways that are different from what’s considered “typical.” It was coined by Kassiane Asasumasu and popularized by the broader neurodiversity movement.
Neurodivergence isn’t a diagnosis. It’s an umbrella term. It includes many experiences, including:
Autism
ADHD
Sensory Processing Disorder
Dyslexia, dyscalculia, and other learning differences
Tourette’s Syndrome
OCD
Epilepsy
Mental health conditions like anxiety, bipolar disorder, and PTSD
Traumatic brain injuries or developmental trauma
People who are multiply neurodivergent—or who aren’t sure where they fit, but know “neurotypical” doesn’t quite describe them
There’s no one way to be neurodivergent. Some people identify strongly with the term; others use more specific labels—or none at all.
Neurodivergence isn’t a flaw or disorder to be fixed. It’s a difference to be understood.
What does neurodivergent mean in the perinatal period?
Neurodivergence doesn’t pause when you become pregnant—or when the baby arrives. In fact, for many people, this is the moment when traits that were once manageable become harder to ignore.
During the perinatal period (pregnancy, birth, and postpartum), neurodivergent people may experience:
Increased sensory sensitivity. Sounds, smells, clothing, medical equipment, or even the feeling of fetal movement may feel overwhelming or intrusive.
Difficulty with transitions and unpredictability. Pregnancy, labor, and the postpartum period are full of unknowns. That uncertainty can be especially activating for folks who need structure or predictability to feel safe.
Executive function challenges. Keeping track of appointments, preparing a nursery, remembering feeding schedules, or following medical instructions may feel harder—especially without built-in supports.
Emotional dysregulation. Shifts in hormones, sleep, and identity can amplify emotional responses. Many people describe feeling “flooded” or “short-circuited” during this time.
Communication barriers. Explaining needs, advocating in medical settings, or responding to questions under stress may be difficult—especially for those who mask or shut down in high-demand situations.
Confusion or self-doubt. Neurodivergent experiences are often pathologized in perinatal care, leading people to feel dismissed or misunderstood. Being seen as “too anxious,” “resistant,” or “uncooperative” is unfortunately common.
And sometimes, this is the season where neurodivergence becomes clear for the first time.
You might have always functioned “well enough”—but pregnancy and parenting stretch every system. If things feel harder now, that doesn’t mean you’re falling apart. It might mean you're navigating this experience with a brain that deserves to be supported, not silenced.
Recognizing neurodivergence during the perinatal period can open doors: to self-understanding, to safer care, and to postpartum recovery that actually works for you.
How do you know if you’re neurodivergent?
There’s no test that gives you a stamp and a certificate. Many neurodivergent people go undiagnosed for years—or forever—because of bias in the healthcare system, masking, or a lack of access to formal evaluation.
But if you:
Feel easily overstimulated or overwhelmed
Struggle with executive function, like planning, organizing, or switching tasks
Have intense interests or sensitivities
Notice that traditional parenting advice doesn’t work for your brain or your kids
Have always felt a little “other,” especially in social situations
…you may be neurodivergent. Or you may be adjacent. Or somewhere else entirely.
That’s okay. This isn’t about putting you in a box. It’s about helping you understand the shape of your experience so you can meet your needs with more clarity, more self-trust, and more support.
Why does understanding neurodivergence matter—especially in pregnancy and parenting?
Because neurodivergence shapes how we experience the world. It affects how we:
Process stress and change
Navigate medical systems
Interpret feedback from providers, partners, or our own children
Parent (especially if our kids are neurodivergent, too)
Recover from birth or build postpartum rhythms
Handle sound, touch, sleep deprivation, and routine
Make meaning from our identity and relationships
When we don’t account for those differences, it’s easy to feel like we’re “failing” at something we were never set up to succeed in.
When we do? We build systems and supports that feel nourishing—not just “functional.”
Being neurodivergent is not a diagnosis—it’s a framework. A way of saying: “I move through the world differently, and that’s worth understanding.”
So what now?
If the idea of neurodivergence feels like it opens a door for you, welcome. There’s space for exploration here.
At Tender.ly, we work with pregnant people, postpartum parents, and families who want support that honors their sensory needs, communication style, and executive function profile. Whether you have a diagnosis or just a gut feeling, you’re invited to show up as you are.
There is nothing wrong with the way you think, feel, or show up.
You are not too much—you are enough, exactly as you are.
This blog was written by Alix, a dedicated doula in Montreal, Canada, and the founder of TENDER.LY. She provides expert pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and infant feeding support to help families feel confident and cared for. Whether you're preparing for birth, navigating the fourth trimester, or looking for feeding guidance, Alix offers compassionate, personalized support.